I recently read this post on Thought Catalog and although I thought the things I should be doing right now are important, I have to post about this absurdity. I’ve loved Thought Catalog, but this just really rubbed me the wrong way and so my day is buried in the seeds of rage. I had to reply to her post because Amy Glass’ simple-minded attitude that life for women is based on black and white decisions is seriously flawed. I plan to do “exceptional things” in my life, which INCLUDE having a family. Ms. Glass, I’m sorry that you think getting married and having kids is something that’s “average” or unworthy of celebration. My immediate response to this infuriating blog post is the following:
“Wow. Your thought process is so one-sided. I really hope you get to experience all that life has to offer so that one day when you grow up (yes, this is coming from a 19-year-old college student who’s a lot more mature than you are from the sounds of your post), you’ll see that there are benefits to every lifestyle a woman may choose. Both working and having a family, which you absolutely CAN do at the same time because I watched my beautiful mother do it her whole life (how DARE you say it’s not possible when you’re just too afraid to try), are equally as rewarding and challenging. I do genuinely hope that you find in life what you’re meant to do, whether it be working or raising a family or BOTH, and that you’re extremely happy doing it. Please, in the mean time, try to keep your unsettling, asymmetrical opinions of equality to yourself. You should follow my blog because I plan to accomplish exceptional things in life, INCLUDING raising a family. Maybe you’ll learn something valuable. For now, I feel sorry for you that you feel the range of your life so limited as to only being able to chose one path, work or a family, and do it successfully. https://leakyblather.wordpress.com/”
I do not regret the things I say in the heat of the moment because they’re usually exactly how I feel; however, as a writer, I do wish I had taken the time to speak more eloquently and less emotionally. I’m just going to elaborate a little more on my response now…
You began the post with an ugly sort of attack on women’s freedom to make their own decisions about their lives. You said, “Every time I hear someone say that feminism is about validating every choice a woman makes I have to fight back vomit.”
First, that’s a hideous reaction. It’s melodramatic and really unnecessary. This was my first clue as to your level of maturity.
Then, I unearthed your first mistake even before leaving the first paragraph of your post when you asked, “Do people really think that a stay at home mom is really on equal footing with a woman who works and takes care of herself? There’s no way those two things are the same.”
Referencing the comment I made on your post earlier, this “black and white” approach you have to life’s journey is nauseating. I think your interpretation of feminism is way too radical, bordering on a different sort of oppression, reminiscent of the patriarchy you’ve set out in rebellion against. You think that women can only be acting in a progressive way to benefit women’s rights if their decisions are all toward contributing to the work force and reflecting the priorities of most men. I don’t want your naivety to spread, or the idea of this self-inflicting oppression, parallel to that of the patriarchal oppression we’ve seen in the past, to overtake any impressionable peoples’ views of equality.
There is no such thing as freedom in the society toward which you strive.
You also have a one-sided view of what is exceptional. Although you refuse the idea in your article, women CAN successfully have both a family and a career, which are both “exceptional” accomplishments in life. Like I said, I’ve watched my beautiful mother, as well as all the women I’ve admired throughout my life, balance their careers and families with great poise and strength. There is room for celebration of both birth and marriage, as well as of promotions and embracing life’s adventures.
You say, “as if it’s a huge accomplishment and cause for celebration to be able to get knocked up or find someone to walk down the aisle with. These aren’t accomplishments, they are actually super easy tasks, literally anyone can do them.”
If your lashing out at the traditions of baby showers and wedding showers is your way of having a written temper tantrum, I have no respect for it. Just because “anyone can do them” doesn’t make the institution of marriage or ability to have a family any less remarkable. No one is forcing you to do either of these things and my impression of your character, through your display of negativity, causes me to suggest you don’t pursue either of these paths in life because you won’t be able to fully appreciate them.
In one of the thousands of comments under your article, Ozma asks you who you are to judge what an achievement is. Let me tell you, it usually doesn’t involve any sort of competitive tendency like you suggest in your article.
TheFreeDictionary defines the word “achievement” as “something accomplished successfully, especially by means of exertion, skill, practice, or perseverance.” There’s nothing about what men value versus what women value or what’s achievable by everyone or what’s achievable by few. Ms. Glass, you call the act of marriage and having a family “settling for average.” You call our celebration of these life events “applauding [women] for doing nothing.” How dare you.
I could easily go on for thousands of words, dissecting the atrocity you wrote line by line, but I think everyone should just read your post for themselves and judge accordingly what response it deserves.
So in reply to your post, Ms. Glass, I look down on people who write blog posts about looking down on other people and I’m not sorry. Here’s a Condescending Wonka I made especially for you:
Again, wishing you luck and happiness in your life.
Thanks to Nikki of lifethroughexpression for posting the original super infuriating Thought Catalog article on Facebook so that I may be inspired to react to it. She’s the bomb!